Some of you have read or heard before a story about a farmer and the events that happen to him that can be seen as good fortune or bad fortune. You can read a version of it here.
The point of the story is that we can not know if something is good or bad when it happens. We do not know how events will continue to unfold.
I was recently reminded of this story and I made a smart ass reply that things may not be good or bad but I know when things are hard or easy. My smart assness stuck with me and as I continued to think about my reply over the next day or two, it struck me that assigning any type of value to events gets in our way of experiencing what is happening and what may happen. By placing a value on an event, even just thinking that something is going to be difficult or easy, we are creating a filter through which we will see that event. These filters, that we create, put space between us and each moment. Instead of being fully present with what is happening in our lives, we are separate from these moments because of these filters. What we are experiencing and seeing is changed because of these filters.
Here’s my own little version of the good/bad valuation game that we play with ourselves everyday.
Recently, at my work, our hours of operation have been cut……………bad?
As the manager, I did not lose any hours so I keep the same pay……good?
But I will have to work twice as many 12 hour shifts…………….…………bad?
But, my other shifts will be shorter. Only 5 or 6 hours………….……..…good?
It’s turning out to be difficult to get my work done on the short shift…bad?
I don’t often open after I closed now (so I don’t know how I’m starting the day)….…..bad?
But I have the nights off before I open so it’s easier to get enough sleep…….…………..good?
I had to go to a meeting on my day off……………………………………………bad?
Since I had the meeting, I left early another day to see my son’s baseball game.……..good?
At first when I found out that I had to go to that meeting on my day off I was unhappy about it. I definitely thought that was a bad thing. I had to work a twelve hour day, I had one day off, and then I worked another twelve hour day. The meeting was on that one day off. Between the meeting and the drive, it would take up my whole afternoon. But as events continued to unfold, I was able to leave early on a day later in the week. Because of that meeting I was able to see another one of my son’s baseball games. So was it bad that I had that meeting on my day off or was it good? Or maybe it wasn’t good or bad. It was just a meeting.
We put a value on the events in our lives but we also put a value on the emotions that we feel throughout the day. I feel bad that the hours at work changed. I have decided that it’s bad that the hours changed and I feel bad. Then I decide that it’s bad to feel bad because I want to feel happy. There’s another layer of filters that I have to see through.
If we are able to experience emotion without attaching a value to that emotion, the emotion becomes just another event in the day. If we can roll along with the events and the emotions of the day, we can experience life as it’s happening without seeing through filters.
The other day I was driving somewhere while I was eating a pear. It was a really good pear. I realized how good I felt at that moment because I was enjoying eating this good pear. Then I thought about all the different moods and emotions I’d already experienced in that day. That made me think that I was a bit of a basket case, but it also occurred to me that I hadn’t been getting stuck in any of these emotions and feelings and I hadn’t been putting a value on any of these different moods. I had just been rolling along with them so even if I hadn’t been feeling really good all day, it had still been a good day. Just experiencing what had been happening without the filters changed how I perceived the day. Even if every little moment wasn’t exactly what I would have wanted it to be or what I thought it should be, when I looked back on the day, I still felt like it was a good day.
All the thinking and value assigning gets in the way of just being.