Summer really starts in late May or early June. It’s a holdover from being a kid when we knew that Summer started when school ended even if that’s not what the calendar says.
I’ve not found the time to sit still and write. I’ve not be sitting still long enough to even follow any of the ideas I’ve had far enough along for them to fully develop. Sometimes time just slides along like slipping on a patch of ice when you’re walking. When we’re in the moment fully, things just happen. And if we’re busy on top of that then we are living and experiencing and there really isn’t any yesterday or tomorrow. Not too long ago, a little girl, I think two years old, was trying to tell a friend and me something about fish. It sounded like it was something she had just done or seen that day. Her mom explained that a couple of weeks ago they went to an aquarium and that’s probably what she was talking about and that sometimes she talks about things like they just happened even if it’s been a few days. That struck me. At that age, she is really only existing in the present. She is going with the flow. So what does yesterday mean to her? That’s how things have felt in this early stretch of the summer. The other night we left my vehicle somewhere and all took our other car where we were going. On the way home, we didn’t stop to get my vehicle. We made it all the way home and when we pulled into the garage my vehicle wasn’t there. Oops. But it didn’t feel like we forgot to get my vehicle. It felt like it wasn’t even the same day when we left it at that parking lot. By the time we got home that night, that one day really felt like three or four different days to me. One thing happened then I flowed into something else and flowed into something else and we just keep cruising along and who even knows what day it is anymore? Just living. It’s easy to do in the summertime.
Parenting is often misery. I don’t care what you say about how rewarding it can be or “it will get better”. In those moments, and even if you’re not a parent you know what moments I’m talking about, it is pure misery. It’s like a song on repeat. The same thing over and over again and I didn’t like it the first time. Every time I think I’ve grown enough or stretched enough or improved my patience enough, my kids prove me wrong. There is no “enough”. There is no limit that a parent can reach. The extent that kids will push us is limitless. Just when you think you’ve learned something or found a way to stay calm, you will be crushed by your child’s ability to increase the intensity. Children are unintentional spiritual teachers. If we were at a monastery practicing Zen, it would be the same way. Just when you start feeling like you made a breakthrough, the master would throw some heavy koan at you to crush your ego some more.
My latest analogy to explain to my easily derailed child that we must learn to navigate the little bumps in our road more smoothly: It’s like when you hit a bump while riding your bike. You might get some air, you might wobble and lose your balance, but you usually recover and just keep going without a full-on crash. We don’t crash every time we hit a little bump. We need to learn to stay upright and keep going. And once you get past the bump on your bike, you aren’t turned around looking back at that bump, you’re looking forward to what’s ahead. We’ve gotta do the same thing with the little bumps in our life. Don’t lose your mind over every little bump. And keep looking ahead, stop carrying that little bump with you, it was a mile back and now you’re missing out on what’s coming next.
Been reminded several times recently of how fragile we are. Something usually hurts and just when I realize that nothing has been hurting for a while, I wake up a day or two later with something hurting. Right now I know a handful of people who either need some kind of transplant or who just received one. Someone else last week with an unexpected life-altering hospital stay. We are fragile. This can all disappear in the blink of an eye. If we took the time to reset ourselves regularly and remind ourselves of our fragility, I suspect the things that upset us so much would feel much less upsetting. Perhaps it would even be easier to be decent to each other if we recognized how fragile the person we are interacting with is. We are all easily hurt. Let’s try not to leave a mark. And if we can disappear in an instant then why are we so flustered by nonsense? We waste time complaining about getting wet in the rain storm instead of enjoying the rainbow.
Apparently the way this life works is that we keep getting older not younger. I am so old now that by the time anyone reads this I will have seen one of my closest friends in person for the first time in 23 or 24 years. We were only 18 years old when we met and now it’s been longer than that since we’ve seen each other. I have employees that did not exist the last time we saw each other in person. I am hoping I can embrace the joy in that first moment of seeing my friend and just have a big smile on myself and not embarrass myself by crying.* But it is an emotional thing to see someone after so many years. There are no guarantees and we are fragile. Many loved ones have been buried during that 23 year span. It will be a gift to be in person together again.
The flow of summer, for us, really gets going with the 4th of July celebration. It’s a two week event here. It’s cool to live in such an old part of the country. (And no matter where you stand politically or how much room for critique and even shame or despair there may be in the state of our country right now, it is still worth celebrating the 4th of July together. This country was never really a democracy. Originally, the vote was given to white male landowners. It’s always been elitist. And as long as there is an electoral college to subvert the popular vote, it still won’t be a true democracy. But look around with open eyes and be reminded of how good we have it. Our system is fucked but there is room for change and hope. Many people around the globe don’t have that hope.) The two week celebration reminds me of Senior Week in college. Party, party, party. But it’s not just the partying. It’s the chance to spend so much time with friends. Jobs, schedules, family plans and everything else make it an unusual thing to see friends over and over again so many times in just a few days. There are concerts every night for two weeks, a carnival, fireworks, and a parade. Lots of opportunities to spend time together!
And summertime will just keep rolling us along.
* I did not embarrass myself.