My children have reached the age where they really are in charge of their own journeys. They still know next to nothing and they are still far from being self-sufficient but they can not be told what choice to make. If there is a fork in the road and I point to the shortcut they will take the other path just to prove that it isn’t longer. As much as cliches are cheesy and over used, they are true. And whoever came up with “you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink” must have been a parent. In light of this, I’ve found myself thinking about what I do want to teach these unteachable humans. And this is what I’ve come up with:
- Train yourself to be less reactive. Your autopilot, mind, and body will react to almost everything. Annoying, frustrating things happen often, everyday. What if you didn’t feel annoyed or frustrated? What if you just saw it and handled it without emotion?
- Eat plants and whole foods. Limit processed foods. Limit sugar and alcohol. Yes, sugar and alcohol are enjoyable but there’s a big difference between a treat and a habit.
- Prioritize sleep.
- Prioritize real friendships and put the effort in to stay connected to the high quality people in your life.
- Use your muscles. You don’t have to be a body builder, but resistance training is the panacea.
- Your body is a machine made for walking. Take walks regularly.
- Search for awe. Watch sunrises or sunsets. Look at the clouds or the stars. Notice flowers. Go to the ocean or get out into the woods.
- Find time to regularly check in with yourself. Journal. Meditate.
- Have fun. Play games. Be silly. Keep it light as much as possible. Nobody gets out of this alive anyway.
- But hold yourself accountable. Keep learning and embrace being uncomfortable. Take your personal growth seriously.
- None of these things will just happen. You have to make your life happen. Live your days with intention. There may not be enough time in the day to do everything but there is enough time to do many things. Get up earlier, stay motivated after work, spend less time on screens. Your life is your responsibility. Take charge, get in the driver’s seat, and turn off auto pilot. Set goals. In order to get the life you want you will need to put in effort. However, you will not see the results of this effort immediately. This is the hardest part! Your effort will pay off down the road if you are consistent. Trust the process. Embrace the process not the goal. Everyday is practice for who you want to become. Put in the effort daily or you will end up where the current takes you instead of where you want to be.
- Your feelings are not as important as you think they are. You don’t feel like going to work? Ok, go to work anyway. You feel sad? Ok, exercise anyway. You shouldn’t ignore or bury your feelings but your life shouldn’t be ruled by them either. You’ve got to keep moving forward even if you aren’t feeling great. (Appreciate the moments when you do feel great because there will be lots of times when you do not.)
- Regarding that last point, a time will likely come when you feel really bad. Full of despair. You will have lived long enough to have experienced too much grief, disappointment, hurt or difficulties. This is ok and normal. You may even feel like you’ve had enough and you don’t want to experience anymore. Not suicidal, just worn out. When this happens, acknowledge why you feel this way. This hurt is real but your goal must be to simply ENDURE. You will not always feel this badly. In every moment, there are simultaneously beautiful and horrible things taking place. Be grateful for the beauty. Your despair will help you appreciate the beauty in your life even more. Endure and be grateful.