July

Summertime…the livin’ ain’t always easy. Red, White & Blue. Everyone in Bristol is born on the fourth of July. Fireworks, parade, it’s fun to see people we know in the parade. This year girlkid was in it too. Town Common carnival, kids being kids, getting together with friends. Tennis tournament, more time with friends. Wanting to be outside, looking to find more family time. Trying to find a balance with getting to dos done too. Backyard movie night with the crew and breakfast in Adamsville. There’s a fork in the road. Covid is still lurking, not always in the shadows. Kids have more fun playing baseball without adults making it serious. Fact of Life: adults make everything serious. Ataraxia! 7/11 eye to eye with Mark one last time. Home run derby and All Star game. I’m out of touch, I guess, cuz I still enjoy watching baseball. Extra fun to watch with boykid. We had a birthday that drew a crowd. 4 more humans & 2 more dogs staying in our house. Arcade games, dive bar pool shooting, covid vaccination, ice cream cake party & confetti cannon. Big EGO makes us judgemental & self-righteous; makes us stubborn & embarrassed too. Epiphany: the kids aren’t getting more independent because they’ve been in the presence of at least one of their parents constantly for over a year. They need space and distance to grow. Fucking yellow jackets! Delayed large local reaction. The beach! Losing two friends within a few hours, one to Florida and one to cancer. Relief. Grief. How are the deer connected? 3 different states within hours of each other (and then again a few days later) Many July birthdays. Me and my girl don’t know about summertime birthdays but they’re fun to celebrate. Underneath the celebration is the reminder that another year has slipped away. Mortality. Run away to NY in search of sleep and calm. Not gonna find them. The constant explosions follow us. How can we role model calm & be a useful guide thru the daily tumult? How to not take it personally? How to circumvent the ego? Pool time & barrel-aged beers awaiting our arrival. Early morning Fiden’s adventure. Doing unto others is easy when they’re being good to you. I want to be a transformer taking in all this shit, without letting it faze me, and shooting it back out as rainbows. Fire, bats, and lightning bugs. Little remembrances of Maine. Into my trying-to-be-relaxed vacation mind, thoughts of my dead scorpion friend slip. Petting the skeletal old siamese cat and hearing him purr. Waterfall swimming adventure. Uncontrolled child emotions bring us all down. The negative effects are sticking to me and I can no longer brush them off. Misery.
Passing through mid summer. Trying to reset. Turn the page.