There’s a constant underlying theme in my mind. The little picture versus the big picture. Keeping my shit together is more than a full time job. Taking care of myself, my family, my responsibilities, work, play, learn, grow. But there’s always the big picture stuff going on as well. Right now, it seems really intense. I thought it was intense with George W. but that seems small compared to what’s going on right now.
What’s the answer? How do we balance our attention and energy between our personal lives, our personal journey and the larger societal drama that’s going on? Is there even room for both? Are we foolish to even engage in the large scale stuff? Or are we irresponsible to not engage in the large scale stuff?
I’m becoming freaked out the more that I think about the large scale stuff and the more that I read about it. I’m starting to wonder if things now really are any different than they’ve ever been. There’s always been people with power running the show and most of us are just trying to make our way through the hoops that are being laid out by those people in power. Is it really any different right now?
The people with money have always wanted more money. I don’t think they’ve ever cared more about race than they cared about money. They might hate people who look different than them but not as much as they love money. It’s just a convenient coincidence for them that they can kill two birds with one stone by getting richer upon the backs of people with darker skin than theirs. But they don’t give a shit about poor white folks either. The racial tensions they sow are a great distraction to all of us who aren’t rich and powerful. We’re fighting amongst ourselves instead of uniting against our common enemy.
The whole system is rigged. Health insurance companies are for profit entities. How is that in the best interest of our health? I pay for insurance but I have a deductible so when I get a bill, I’m the one paying it, not the insurance. And not every bill even counts towards the deductible anymore. The rules keep changing. Not in our favor. It’s like we’re running a race but if we get too close to the finish line, the officials change the course and move the line.
When the housing bubble burst under George W., I bought into everything the news media was selling us about how we needed the government to bail these financial institutions out, etc. But what really happened back then? Did your life change? It was just a fucking scam. The rich got richer off our tax money.
That sounds familiar.
All the stuff that’s happening now…I want to believe that there’s a chance that things really are going to get better for non-white people because of all the conversation right now. Because a lot of white people are finally waking up to what’s been going on all along. I want to believe that things will get better for trans people and so many “others”. Maybe things will improve. But by how much? Probably just enough to let people feel like they got a victory but it’s a shell game. While they’re throwing you a bone with one hand, they’re reaching into your pocket with the other and taking something else away.
It really seems like Trump is so much worse than other presidents and it’s a scary time. But the Democrats get money from the same companies and lobbyists that the Republicans get money from. Is this just another decoy? Someone pulls a fire alarm on one end of town so they can rob a bank on the other end of town.
It makes me feel hopeless. And it makes me feel like I should focus on my personal life and what I can actually control there. But I also want to believe that we can create change and make things better. But now I’m so far into this typhoon of confusion that I begin to wonder if my feeling that we can create some change is just part of the game. We get to vote and we get to demonstrate and protest so we think we have some influence and that just keeps us playing the game and as long as we’re playing the game, the rich are getting richer and their grip on the real power is getting tighter and we’re just spinning our wheels in their game the whole time.