Marching along

My inability to find time and headspace to further develop any of the thoughts and ideas I have continues. I have recently diagnosed the cause of this but it is not within my power to change it. In the meantime, here are some quick hits.

There are some problems and situations that we can’t really help other people with. They have to help themselves.

Some things we encounter in life are hard to handle. They are even harder to accept, but when we do accept them they become less hard to handle. 

Accepting something does not mean that we suddenly like it. It does not mean that this thing doesn’t still suck or that it won’t still be hard. Maybe incredibly hard. Accepting means that we see things for what they are. We are no longer surprised by it, we are no longer asking “why?” or telling ourselves that things shouldn’t be this way. Accepting means we see what’s in front of us and deal with it without all that extra emotion and baggage. We may still suffer but we will suffer less than we would if we continued to resist it.

I just saw a little video clip where this guy is explaining that our brain doesn’t understand negatives. His example: “Don’t think of an elephant.” You just thought of an elephant, right? His second example was telling someone skiing through the trees not to hit a tree. All the skier will see is the trees. But if you say to look for the path & follow the snow, then instead of looking for trees the skier is looking for the path through the trees. He took this further by saying that if we are focused on obstacles in our lives we will only see obstacles. But if we are focused on the path then we will see the way around those obstacles.

I have discovered that the special gift of middle age is that even when there is no major stressor in our life we can still feel an underlying stress. Middle age has it all: job, kids, spouse/significant other, maybe health problems or money issues, maybe aging parents. So even when there’s not one big thing to be stressed about, there’s still an undercurrent of stress. 

It seems like people gravitate to one extreme or the other but there’s always so much room in the middle. If we tried I bet we could find a place somewhere in the middle where we’d both be comfortable enough.

Time does not operate the way we’ve been told. I wonder if there is any past or future at all or if it’s all just happening at once.

If we stay comfortable and never bump up against our limits or push past our limits, then we aren’t going to learn or grow too much. It might even be boring. The hardest moments, when we feel like we have nothing left and we may not even know what to do, are the moments where the treasure is buried. But you’ve gotta dig to find that treasure.

In our lives, if we wait for a moment of calmness, if we wait to have everything crossed off our to do list, if we wait until everything is in its place, we will always be waiting. We have to create the eye of the storm. 

I am not a collector. I don’t like “stuff”. But it’s good to be a people collector. Instead of leaving people behind as we move from one place to another, one job to another, one phase of our life to another, we should instead add people to our collection. Keep that collection growing. It takes a little effort to add someone to your collection. It doesn’t just happen. It’s worth the effort. 

Postcards are an easy, fun way to stay in touch with the people you’ve collected.

Is there any relationship more complicated, complex, heavy, twisted up on itself and potent than the parent-child relationship?

Feeling good for a moment can happen on its own. We may receive a gift, get good news or be at a fun event with friends. But to feel good for longer, to have a sustained feeling of good through our lives requires cultivation. It is created by the way we live from day to day and all the little choices we make. We all know what we need to do. Get enough sleep, eat well, be physically active, spend time with friends, and have a way to calm our minds and deal with stress like meditation or prayer. 

If you treat someone decently they are likely to treat you decently in return. If you are adversarial…

🤙🏼