I’ve written before about how we handle our emotions and how we react to the situations that are presented to us throughout the day. A big part of our ability to handle things with grace is our ability to accept these things that are happening. And a big part of being able to accept is our own idea of what we can control.
Recently, I was talking to my kids about the Serenity Poem. Kids’ emotions are easily roused. They are often upset about things that they have no control over and can not change. That’s why I was discussing the Serenity Poem with them. I wanted to get them to think about whether or not they have control over the things that upset them. And from there, just like the poems states, accept the things they don’t have control over and put in the effort to change the things that are under their control.
But it’s not just kids. Our idea of control or our inability to recognize what is not within our control, is a big stumbling block for many of us. It’s the foundation for so much frustration and anger. We think we are in control of so much. It’s not just the foundation for frustration and anger, it’s the foundation for much of the stress in our lives. If we think we can control something then it becomes our responsibility to control it and that can easily turn into a burden and a source of stress.
The fact that the Serenity Poem was written points to the difficulty people have always had recognizing that many things are out of their control. We react without evaluating or considering whether we can actually do anything about the thing to which we are reacting. But instead of getting better at making this distinction we are getting worse. Our modern world is all about making everything convenient. We are being conditioned to expect instant gratification. Most of us have so much power over our world and daily lives. Even many people considered poor have smart phones, cars, microwave ovens and flat screen TVs. (I’m not saying that the poor aren’t poor. Our economics and class system are a whole different conversation.)
In many ways, we are likes gods or kings compared to ancient humans. We can drive ourselves great distances. We can cook a meal in seconds. We can be entertained on our big screen TVs and we can do so much with just the small phone in the palm of our hand. Why wouldn’t we think that we can actually control everything? It’s no wonder how upsetting and frustrating it is when something doesn’t go our way. We have all this supposed power but then we are confronted daily with these situations that come up that contradict that power.
Can we control the other driver who cut us off? Can we control that eight other people are standing in line before us and we are forced to wait? I could spend the rest of the day making this list of things we can not control.
A large piece, of the puzzle, of how to navigate our journey with grace, is realizing and accepting what we actually can control. If we are able to accept what we don’t have control over, then we no longer have to solve the problem or even be mad at the problem, we just have to figure out how to deal with it. That frees up a lot of our time and energy and focuses us on what is under our control: our reaction and what we’ll do going forward.
The flip side is that when we start to think about how much of our lives are out of our control it can freak people out. I’d guess that a lot of people would rather be stressed out about trying to control everything than have to admit that they are powerless so much of the time. Just like anything, it depends on how we look at it. We can say the glass is half full or we can say the glass is half empty, but it doesn’t change how much water is in the glass. We can be panicked that so much is out of our control or we can feel freer and lighter. By acknowledging and accepting that this is a big world and that it rolls along on its own, we can move past a lot of negative emotions. We are not responsible for what is out of our control. We can let go of all that and instead focus on the aspects of our lives that we can control.