After this year’s election my feelings were mixed. I was relieved that it appeared that Trump had been voted out, but I was distressed that it was so close. I am absolutely not a democrat, but I am usually anti-republican. Being anti-republican has me often voting for democrats since we’re usually only given two choices with a chance of winning. This year, particularly, I was really not wanting Trump to get reelected.
There were many policies that I disagreed with that affected my decision, but more than any one policy, I felt that Trump had to go because of his lack of human decency. It is not naive or idealistic to think that the leader of our country should possess some decency and be able to handle him/herself with some poise in that leadership role. Trump had been explicitly divisive and had gone far past just disagreeing with the other side. He had damned, condemned and even incited violence against Americans who thought differently. He is a name-caller. Name calling, to me, is weak. It is too easy and is more a reflection of the caller than the called. His lack of compassion for HIS citizens was the most disturbing aspect of his presidency.
This is where I got hung up after the election. That all seemed so clear to me. I understand how someone, even someone I know well and get along with, could disagree with me about this policy or that policy. But I was stuck on how anyone could think that it was ok for our leader to behave this way. How is any one policy more important than decency? How is disagreement over policies more important than our leader having compassion for all American citizens?
These thoughts fucked me up.
I was questioning if I was maybe losing my mind. Could I have been sucked into my own version of “fake news”? Was I only seeing information pointing me in one direction? Was I not seeing things as they really were?
But I remembered an internet post by a friend of mine just before the election. This friend is a thoughtful guy but not one to talk too much about politics or world events. Whenever I’ve tried to have conversations like that with him I don’t get much back. He keeps his focus on his own life. But he was moved to make a fairly long post before the election. His post was not about policy, it was about decency. I remembered that he was bothered by the same things I was bothered by. He felt strongly enough about it to make a political post and he is not a guy who makes political posts. Ok, I wasn’t losing my mind but I still didn’t feel good about what was going on.
Are so many people so selfish or greedy that they really didn’t give a crap about how the leader of our country behaved as long as certain policies went their way? I know that for people who are just getting by or not even getting by it’s a different story but what about everyone else? Was this just another sign that we were really splitting apart as a country? We can’t even agree that our leader should maintain a certain level of behavior?
I wasn’t feeling great heading into the election. I was burned out in general between work, Covid lingering, and all the negativity & bull shit about the election. Then after the election, instead of feeling better I was feeling worse wondering how it was possible that more people weren’t upset by Trump’s behavior. But then I started realizing that it’s always been like this. America has always been a shit show. We’re fed a bunch of nonsense propaganda our whole lives about how incredible America is but that story leaves out a lot of important details.
When our country was founded, only white male landowners were allowed to vote. How democratic does that sound? That is not a government of and for the people. It’s always been rigged. This country was founded on inequality. Not just inequality towards the color of someone’s skin but inequality based on gender and inequality based on your wealth. This is the dirty little secret. The wealthy don’t discriminate based on the color of your skin or your sexual preference or any of that. If you aren’t as rich as they are you are not one of them and they don’t give a crap about you. This is America. The board is tilted.
These thoughts finally made me feel better. Really. Why was I so upset about what was going on or so surprised by it when it’s always been like this? These times are not special or extraordinary. These times are just like any other time. They seem worse because we’re living in it but there’s always been division in our country. The rich are always trying to keep the system rigged in their favor. There’s always some crisis we have to deal with. These times are the same but different. I was soothed by this realization.
The America that I grew up believing in is an idea. This idea of America has always been fragile like a sand castle. It’s always in flux and something to be worked toward. Maybe we’ll get there. Maybe we won’t. Yes, we need to stay vigilant and pay attention to continue to fight against the consolidation of wealth and power. But we don’t need to feel horrible thinking this is some extra bad time in our history. It’s just another chapter in a book filled with times like these.