Who are you? When was the last time you thought about this? Being the person we want to be is just like anything else in our lives. If we are not actively and consciously pursuing a goal or an agenda then we will be swept away by the current of our daily lives. Then what happens? We may find that we are not who we would like to be. We became the person who was made by that current instead of the person we once hoped to be.
My kids are often under the control of their emotions. They have big reactions to little things and have a hard time incorporating other people’s wants and needs into their thought process. It’s all about them and everything is a big deal and once the train of emotions leaves the station there’s no getting off the ride. Ok, they’re kids. That all seems pretty normal.
But I work with the public and I see these same behaviors in adults every day over and over again. It makes me wonder how many of us are asking ourselves “Who am I?”. It also makes me wonder about the other internal conversations going on in people’s heads. It seems like those are one-sided conversations. The only one talking is the emotion. “I’m angry. I’m not getting what I want.”
I always thought that as an adult someone would have a bit more of a real internal dialogue instead of just letting the emotion take over. A back and forth between the emotional response and the thinking adult.
“I’m angry. I’m not getting what I want.” “Ok, let’s take a look at what’s happening. Maybe there’s a reason why this isn’t going the way I’d like.” “No, I’m angry. Let’s yell!” “I’m not going to yell. I’m going to find out what the problem is so that I can solve it.”
Another way to describe what I thought being an adult was all about is self-control. I really thought that adults were driving the car but it turns out that for a lot of people their emotions are sitting in the driver’s seat and the people are just along for the ride.
It’s not easy to stay in control and keep our emotions in check. And it’s not easy to be aware all the time of who we really are. There’s a lot of distractions out there. The current of our daily lives is strong and it can sweep us off our feet. That’s enough to make it hard to focus and work on these internal dialogues and stay in the driver’s seat.
But because it’s hard to resist our emotions and it’s often unpleasant to see who we really are or to hold ourselves accountable, people find other ways to distract themselves. Drugs and alcohol are the cliche way to avoid taking a look at ourselves and to quiet that internal conversation. But now there’s an easier, more socially acceptable way to distract ourselves. Just pick up your phone. You don’t even need to plop your ass in front of a TV screen to zone out and get numb anymore. Now you have a little screen with you at all times. You can surf the internet. You can shop! Being a consumer is a great way to distract ourselves from our internal world, that’s why it’s used so successfully by marketers to profit off all of us. Or you can just constantly be texting someone. You don’t ever have to be alone again if you have your phone in your hand!
But you can’t work your shit out if you don’t have any alone time. The hard work is done alone. The hard work is done during those internal conversations. It’s done when we decide to resist our emotions. It’s done when we really ask ourselves who am I? And when we are willing to see things that we might not like and hold ourselves accountable.
Life is a hard road even when we’re numb. It’s a hard road even when we let our emotions do the driving. It’s not easier when we are trying to take back the steering wheel from our emotions. And it’s definitely not easier when we are being honest with ourselves about who we are and how we are acting. But it’s way more satisfying.
Numb rhymes with dumb. Don’t be dumb. Ask yourself, “who am I?”.