What if everything happens exactly the way it’s supposed to? Whatever is happening is what is happening so how can anyone make an argument that it’s not supposed to be happening?
Doesn’t it make as much sense to believe that everything is happening the way it’s supposed to as it does to believe that things are not happening the way they’re supposed to? It might make more sense to believe that things are happening the way they’re supposed to since these things that are happening are real. The idea of things happening a different way is just an idea.
What would it do to your mindset and worldview if you believed that everything was happening exactly as it was supposed to be happening? It would not take any more control away from you. You would still have to make choices and the biggest of those choices is how you choose to handle whatever it is that has just happened.
Some events that happen are harder for us to believe they’re supposed to happen than others. My friend Mark is dead. If things unfolded the way I think they’re supposed to, I would be preparing to see him in eight days. But that is not how things are happening so how can I argue that they are supposed to be a different way. There is what is happening and there is what is not happening. What is happening is real. What is not happening is not real. It is so simple.
I am not capable of understanding that Mark dying happened the way it was supposed to happen. But I also can come up with no explanation or reason why it shouldn’t have happened that way other than that I did not want it to happen that way. I can offer no alternative scenario that is any truer because any other scenario is not the scenario that happened.
I don’t want Mark to be dead so I act like he shouldn’t be. I didn’t want my daughter to yell this morning so I act like she shouldn’t have. I want the driver in front of me to use their turn signal so I get mad when they do not.
What is this I? Just another filter through which to experience the world. Without filters the world would be experienced for what it is. Without putting everything through the I filter, there would be a lot less drama.
Acknowledging that the way things are happening is the way they are supposed to be happening is seeing things without the veil of our own wants and desires. Just because I want something to happen does not mean it’s going to happen. You and I may want opposite outcomes. What we want is irrelevant. The only thing that really matters is what actually happens.
If my daughter yells, I get wrapped up in not wanting her to yell. I might be disappointed or angry or frustrated. I might wonder why. I might just think to myself that I don’t want to deal with it. I might think that I’m not doing a good job teaching her or helping her because this is still happening. I might think that she isn’t doing a good job listening or trying to control herself because this is still happening. On and on it goes. Alternatively, if I assumed that however unpleasant that moment might feel, it was happening exactly as it was supposed to happen, then I would probably react differently. Instead of analyzing the why or how or getting mad or taking it personally, I might be able to just see it for what it is and handle it. She is yelling. She still needs to learn how to handle her emotions. She still needs to grow. This is an opportunity for that growth. What can I do to help her and get us through this moment?
It is what it is and that’s all that it is. Everything else is just noise. We see it for what it is or we see it as different than what we want it to be. We set ourselves up for suffering when we act like things are not supposed to be this way. There is no fair and unfair. There is what is happening. We can see what is happening or we can focus on what is not happening. Usually we are focused on what is not happening and how much we want that to be what is happening.
“Supposed to be” is a stupid idea anyway. Why do we think things are supposed to be a certain way or that things are not supposed to be a certain way? Things just are. We get wrapped up in the idea that things aren’t supposed to be how they are because we don’t like how they are. What if we get rid of “supposed to be” and “not supposed to be” and just accept the things that are happening as they happen? We will still have an emotional response and we will still need to deal with those emotions but we won’t be sidetracked by that sense of injustice that things aren’t turning out the way they’re supposed to. We make a lot of noise with all our judgements and interpretations. It’s hard to think clearly in the midst of so much noise.